he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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