So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
