I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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