I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
