Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
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And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
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Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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