Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
