Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It was confusing and full of hummus
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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