She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
