Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
