i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
