But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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