I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
