whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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