At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
