The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
