can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
