I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
