oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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