My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
