Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
