I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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