i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
