Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
