I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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