i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
