Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Randomize
