god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i will never coherently bang her
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
