Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Less talking, more tequila
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
