I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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