party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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