Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
