everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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