I want to make a zoo with you.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
