omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Everything about him screamed your future.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
