You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
