So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
