Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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