it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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