I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
it's great music for shaving your balls
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
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