Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
