woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
