Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
