Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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