i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
