Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
