They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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