I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We left the knife in your bed.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
