Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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