he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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