i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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