wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
