It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
