Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
