That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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