get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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