Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.