I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.