He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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