she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
