dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
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im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We have started to decorate penises.
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Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
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