Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.