Texts From Last Night

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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.

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  (609): so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton. http://tfl.nu/aawl
  Replies (67) Good night (2906) Bad night (559)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  She said she didn't have time to shave "there"

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.

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  (781): She said she didn't have time to shave "there" (617): Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster. http://tfl.nu/ama3
  Replies (58) Good night (909) Bad night (4708)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.

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  (404): I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now. http://tfl.nu/90oh
  Replies (11) Good night (3013) Bad night (1100)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people

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  (203): I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people http://tfl.nu/t9vq
  Replies (39) Good night (805) Bad night (4915)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend

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  (703): Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend http://tfl.nu/gm3r
  Replies (31) Good night (811) Bad night (3825)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.

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  (208): just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again. http://tfl.nu/8lay
  Replies (13) Good night (1142) Bad night (5840)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it

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  (201): so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it http://tfl.nu/kytb
  Replies (18) Good night (1364) Bad night (4806)
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  (831): View more from California

  It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night

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  (831): It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night http://tfl.nu/8gcp
  Replies (13) Good night (6292) Bad night (1589)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?

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  (317): What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand? http://tfl.nu/ssbm
  Replies (15) Good night (1238) Bad night (4490)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.

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  (859): I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin. http://tfl.nu/i4o4
  Replies (14) Good night (2421) Bad night (1849)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar

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  (570): I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar http://tfl.nu/q05v
  Replies (11) Good night (1021) Bad night (2571)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?

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  (785): The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/iipx
  Replies (8) Good night (2463) Bad night (661)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.

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  (778): New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people. http://tfl.nu/h4j7
  Replies (6) Good night (985) Bad night (409)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.

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  (845): Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you. http://tfl.nu/0isx
  Replies (4) Good night (377) Bad night (835)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.

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  (727): No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember. http://tfl.nu/v8lz
  Replies (3) Good night (945) Bad night (471)

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