I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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