Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
