when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
