totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We are all done wearing pants today
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
