maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
