They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
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you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You're breaking my sexual little heart
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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