I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
