i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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