just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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