I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
