I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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