Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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