Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
