"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
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Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
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Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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