she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
