Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
