So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
