apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
