I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
