HIV tests are more positive than that guy
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
zippers are such a cool invention
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
