Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
